Spider-Man: Custody Battle
by cornholio4
Summary: A crack fic inspired by the Deadpool fics by Aragorn II Elessar. During the talks between Sony and Disney, Peter Parker have to deal with Deadpool and Miles Morales arguing over whether he should stay or leave the MCU. Oneshot.


**This idea came to me and I decided to try it out, possibly the most Crack idea I had in a long time. It more resembles the Deadpool stories by Aragorn II Elassor, videos by ItsJustSomeRandomGuy as well as the How It Should Have Ended videos. Another video I recommend is the Pitch Meeting video on the split. Being a fan of that series is really easy, barely an inconvenience.**

The MCU Peter Parker in his red and black Spider-Man: Far from Home sighed as he was waiting in a conference room at a building where representatives of Disney, Marvel and Sony would be meeting about a possible extension of the contract to keep him in the MCU. So far they had only managed to get him another solo film and an appearance in another MCU film.

Web slinged over to him in his Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse outfit was Miles Morales; he then sat down on the chair. They then waved to eachother and Miles asked "so still scared about your future in the MCU?" Miles asked and Peter nodded. "Cheer up Pete, you had a good run in the MCU. You will be fine no matter what happens; besides if you leave Disney then you won't have to worry about being called Iron Man's sidekick anymore and people will stop asking if you're Uncle Ben will be mentioned." Miles told him but then had laughing as he saw Deadpool coming towards them and Peter groaned.

"Don't listen to him Spidey, you are staying home as you belong here! I finally got home myself and I will make sure you stay here!" Deadpool told Peter cuddling with him replying that he hated him. "Sony wouldn't know what to do with you, have you seen the Emoji Movie? Plus look at the reception for their last big franchise movie." Deadpool stated taking out a poster for Men In Black International with Thor and Valkyrie on it.

"You want to talk about misusing properties? How about you wanting to remake your entire animated category into live action. I eagerly await the remakes of the Aristocats and a Goofy Movie. Maybe in the Night on Bald Mountain movie they will misuse Chernabog like they misused Maleficent; creating a misunderstood anti-hero out of a character literally called the Mistress of All Evil just because Wicked was still popular." Miles replied getting in Deadpool's face. He then continued saying "The last Spider-Man movie we made was a financial and critical success and would you know it... we actually made a Spider-Man movie that pleased the Spider-Man fans! You started out promising with Civil War but it soon eroded!"

"Oh yes a box office success but not the most successful Spider-Man movie? What is it? Oh Right it was Petey's last MCU film and he took part in what is currently the most successful movie of all time!" Deadpool retorted back and then laughed beneath his mask. "But let's remember why fans were excited to have him home in the first place besides him in the Avengers. Amazing Spider-Man 2 put too much effort into making a prequel to their planned Sinister Six movie and their idea for the next movie was to bring Gwen and her dad back by cloning; as if they thought the Clone Saga was remembered fondly. Plus that Aunt May spy spin off they planned! Plus you made a hit with Venom I give you that, a great 90s Superhero film and an unintentional comedy. Plus the talks of him being in Mobius, I bet Tom Holland will have to be warned about Jared Leto trying to bite his neck as part of his method acting!" Deadpool continued on.

"Well your company doesn't really know what to do in their comics; constant relaunches and status quo changes. The several events a year, pushing characters with movies coming, making Carol Danvers the most hated heroine after their Civil War sequel and trying to make her the Wonder Woman, cartoons made to advertise their movies with so little care they used two different cartoon versions of Peter despite them being in different universes and Hydra Cap. Plus making a countdown of an announcement making fans think they are getting Spider-Man 4 but it was a miniseries by JJ Abrams and their son. I bet fans were pleased to pick up the first issue and see Gwen Stacy re-enacted by MJ as if they didn't do a variation of that anymore! Now Marvel fans can only hope Kevin Fiege can fix things in his new creative position in the comics!" Miles fired back as he and Deadpool had a stare off.

Miles and Deadpool had a furious stare off with Peter trying to separate the two but then their Spider-Senses went off worse than when Thanos came to Earth in Infinity War, to the sound of _the Imperial March by_ Jim Johnston as Darth Vader turned up and force choked Miles with him fighting off with his Spider-Sense.

"**Join me, stay with Disney and together we shall rule the Box Office.**" Darth Vader offered Peter with his hand out.

"Oh no, Star Wars showed that Disney didn't have a plan especially since the Rise of Skywalker was the proof and showed they were not brave enough to commit to the direction that the Last Jedi had, divisive as it was. They showed they could have both a satisfying and not satisfying conclusion to different story arcs in the same year. Disney showed their greed as remember we only got into this mess because they wanted more money and Sony had wanted the Deal to stay the same. Disney altered the deal and told Sony to prey they didn't alter it any further!" Miles said web slinging in front of Peter while afraid.

"**Lack of direction? What were Sony doing with the Spider-Man license before? Movies based on Jackpot and Nightwatch, characters I bet even the most hardcore Spider-Man fans would be lucky to have even heard of. Plus are you still going to go forward with the Silk movie or will Tiffany Espensen have to wait longer for her big break.**" Vader replied not intimidated by Miles. "**As for lack of idea what to do with Star Wars? I think you should know I am planning on commissioning at least 10 Death Stars, which the Empire can easily afford with the money that will be made on baby Yoda merchandise alone. I stole the show in Star Wars Rebels; Rogue One and the Jedi Fallen Order video game. We even made fans of the old Expanded Universe happy with the return of Thrawn in Rebels.**" Vader continued on.

"If you want to talk Video Games then Sony ended up making not only the best Spidey game but pretty much the best selling Superhero and PS4 game of all time." Miles replied and Deadpool and Vader could not deny the game was pretty amazing. "Plus Disney decided they wanted the money Netflix made when they made Disney+, now the Netflix heroes will have to wait until they are even allowed to appear in and they were already still waiting to have their first big crossover with the movies. Plus they decided to kill the Live action shows altogether as well." Miles replied and Deadpool shook his head.

"**Don't listen to him young Peter Parker, we shall prove you belong in the MCU with your next solo movie. It shall blow all other Spider-Man movies out of the water!**" Vader told Peter and Miles found another thing to fire back with.

"Oh yeah, I am so excited and I think I know who the villains could be. The Scorpion could be motivated by a slight Tony Stark made against him, it could be Regent being the warden of the Raft prison Stark helped to make with a suit made out of destroyed Iron Man suits or how about the Living Brain invented by Tony Stark. Maybe Jameson will reveal his hatred of Superheroes comes from his marriage falling apart when his wife had a one night stand with Tony Stark. The same guy who supposedly is his caring father figure according to some fans and yet left him with Project Insight and a mini AI Death Star in a pair of glasses. Remember the Vulture the MCU Spidey villains fans most like the most, the idea of him being a blue collar guy was suggested by one of the Sony execs so it looks like Sony does have an idea what to do with Spider-Man, especially with Into the Spider Verse!" Miles fired back but then they saw Princess Jasmine was there sternly pushing Vader, Deadpool and Miles back along with Belle in her yellow dress and Ariel.

"Look at you all trying to treat Peter as a prize to be won, I refused to stand by and let it happen to me and I won't let it happen to Peter. He lost both his creators and now is like a child in a custody battle." Jasmine shouted at them making them mumble apologises except for Vader.

"Thanks for that girls, I didn't want to get in between my friends and my sort of colleague..." Peter told them but then saw them looking at him flirtatiously.

"You're welcome Peter but we hope you understand that you will consider you part of the Disney family whether you stay or go. A cute and kind hero like you, your journey to meet the fellow Marvel heroes on the big screen is a tale as old as time." Belle told him.

"Plus I hope if you do stay then it's a whole new world for you and your franchise." Jasmine told him kissing him on the cheek of his mask.

"Hope you stay part of our world." Ariel told him. As Peter was speaking incoherently and the Disney trio of girls giggled before asking if he wanted to treat him to a date at the local Disneyland restaurant.

"I bet you guys put them up to it." Miles whispered with his hands crossed.

"Nope, girls really do have a thing for Pete, have you seen his list of the love interests he had in comics and different media? Plus Conrholio4 taking advantage of the fact that Belle is 17 as said by Disney but designed to be in her 20s. Plus this is a crack fic where you are not supposed to put too much thought into it." Deadpool replied shaking his head.

"**We should look forward to his wedding to all three of them in about a few week's time, you know how quickly Disney relationships develop.**" Darth Vader commented as the door opened and out came Sony, Disney and Marvel execs to tell them they were done negotiating for the day. Miles asked if they wanted to watch the latest episode of the Mandalorian and they grunted in response. Deadpool made a comment that of course Cornholio4 couldn't think of a satisfactory way to end the fic.

**For the record I liked Men In Black International okay as well as all 3 of the Disney Star Wars Trilogy but I get the criticisms of it and why people wouldn't like them. I do agree Rise of Skywalker was the weakest one. I want to make this clear this fic was written in just good fun and I like both companies. Plus I was and still am a big fan and defender of the Amazing Spider-Man movies.**


End file.
